Sociopathic or Not

I was diagnosed a sociopath many moons ago. I was still a child and hearing the word seemed to set me up for failure simply because my mind was wired a little differently. Being a sociopath meant that you were scum of the earth and I never understood why because it did not add up in a way which could mean a couple of things.

Either the diagnosis was incorrect meaning that in trying to dissect my metal set up they misread something, or thought something there when it wasn’t, or did not see anything there when it was. In any case I can see how things may come off that way. You can call it as you see it. I am not a psychology major, but in an effort to be more open I have gotten a couple lists of characteristics just to see how well I supposedly fit in to the cutouts.

First is a list from healthguidance.org I will have my answers to each portion in italics and do my best to self reflect upon these signs just to see how things go.

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15850/1/Characteristics-of-a-Sociopath.html

Lack of empathy – Inability to feel sympathy for others or to understand the emotional consequences of their actions.

This was always the thing that people were scared of and there are times where it is difficult for me to understand. One thing that has helped has been communicating my lack of knowledge to see what I can really do. However in the case of yes or no then it has to be a yes.

Cold, calculating nature – The ability and willingness to use others around them to personal gain

I try not to do that, but unfortunately when I do feel stuck in the corner I do get a lot colder, so yes here.

Shallow emotions – Lack of real emotion in response to events, limited capacity to feel love

I wouldn’t say I lack real emotion. The reason stands what is the baseline for the truth of emotion. People will react to things differently, and some people will have to handle the emotions then while others can set them aside and deal with them at a later time. I would say I am not so emotional other then anger, but one can be angry and still be nice to others. I would have to say no here

Narcissism – A personality disorder in itself in which the individual feels strong love and admiration toward themselves (often a defense mechanism against deep seated low esteem)

I do have swings where I lose faith in myself before finding it again. I can’t say that I find myself overly narcissistic though. Most of my projects have had some reason to make things or people’s lives better somehow, but I am depressed at how many tries it takes. Looking how everything fits in I feel it is not overly to the point of problematic. No.

Grandiose self image – They might see themselves as someone who is superior to others and sometimes even experiences delusions. A sociopath might see themselves as a fitting ruler of a country or even the world, but might also have delusional beliefs such as seeing themselves as a God or having super powers

I cannot see myself superior to others. I may have the odd delusion of adequacy sometimes. I am not in a position to run the company I want to run. I need to learn and although I feel that can be done it will take time and experience to get there. No matter how much I would want it to hurry up. No.

Charming – While the sociopath is unable to fully understand the emotions of others, they are capable but rather highly adept at mimicking them and might appear to be charming and normal at first

Mimicking has been a tool of survival when I do not know how to act, but I have the charm of a sea urchin, and that’s okay because everything has it’s own beauty you can read that post on it when you a moment. No.

High IQ – Often sociopaths will exhibit a high IQ which they can use to manipulate and plan

I was tested and I did have a high enough IQ to make some people notice in school, so that is a yes.

Manipulative – Sociopaths use their superficial charm and high IQ to manipulate others to get their ends, and their lack of empathy allows them to do this with no sense of guilt or remorse

I can’t be too manipulative according to this if I do not have charm. This is one thing that this list is not accounting because someone was close enough to me and she did love me faults and all. She is not with me any more and hasn’t been for a while, but she has become a bit of a moral compass for me. Since someone else had to become the compass though I can see how I would be manipulative at times when the need I thought called for it, and it didn’t screw anyone up. On the basis of manipulative capability, I could see it so yes.

Secretive – Has little need for others and is highly secretive in their actions meaning

No. On the basis that one person cannot do anything. What I do try to do is to get a myriad of experiences that way I can draw upon it if my company becomes a reality. I will need others they will be able to do things I can’t.

Sexually deviant – The lack of remorse, guilt or emotional attachments means that the sociopath is happy to have affairs and to engage in questionable sexual activity without questioning their desires

Well, that escalated quickly. I had one affair in my life and cried afterward because I had hurt her emotionally. We made up after that as acquaintances, but it wasn’t guilt, but the fact that someone’s trust had been lost and the hurt she had that really got to me. Maybe if I was normal I could do that better, but I think my way of learning has at least gotten me to realize why we shouldn’t do such things. That had to use my moral compass from above though. Questionable sexual activity is a term that needs a meaning to it. I did nothing illegal and all my partners were conscious, willing, and fine partners whom I thank for the experience. Deviancy in what this is alluding to I would have to say no.

Sensitive to criticism – That said, like all narcissists, the sociopath will desire the approval of others and will be highly sensitive to criticisms. They often feel they deserve adulation and admiration of the world and might feel victimized

I introduce myself as a villain, I have a blog with maybe a couple hundred readers max which in the grand scheme of things is barely a drop. I would rather my projects work then have someone blowing smoke up my kilt so to speak. Criticism does not feel good, but I can take it as is the case with most people. No.

Paranoid – Often their lack of understanding of emotion along with their incongruous self view means that they feel a lack of trust and paranoia

It is harder for me to be trusting of people. It never has gotten to the point of complete lack of trust. In some of my hectic years that may have been the case, but I think I am getting better with that and because of that growth would have to say no.

Despotic/Authoritarian – Often the sociopath will see themselves as a necessary authority and will be in favor or totalitarian rule

I barely know what I am doing day to day. Nope. Oh perfect time to use this picture.

ddb

Lawfulness – Despite popular belief, a sociopath is not likely to be a problem to the law in later life, but rather will seek to find loopholes, to rise to a position of power, or to move to another area so that their behavior is tolerated

No. I make sure the majority of my moves is done with a respect to people working to get my promotion. You would be surprised how many people do not though.

Low tolerance for boredom – Sociopaths require constant stimulation and get quickly bored

Yes, bored now. Next one please.

Impulsive behavior – A lack of regret and empathy means makes sociopaths more likely to make sudden rash decisions based on the current facts

Nope. It is good to be impulsive when the time calls for it. Usually when it is time to have some fun would be when calling for it is in my book.

Compulsive lying – As part of their facade, and as a means to an end, sociopaths are compulsive liars and will rarely speak truthfully making them hard to pin down

You would have to believe me on how people see me so this one I am not going to put down either way and let you make the call. What I would bring attention to is that this does not take in account any form of experience or evolution because of it. Would someone change their mind if something really struck them deeply. I would think so, but I am not a psychology major. Writing something like this the argument could be made I am a few letters short of such things. (psycho from psychology major, it was a bad one I know.)

The MacDonald Triad – In childhood sociopaths will likely have demonstrated the ‘MacDonald Triad’ also known as the ‘Triad of Sociopathy’, traits that often are demonstrated in sociopaths from a young age. These include animal cruelty (pulling the wings off of flies etc, bed wetting, and pyromania (an obsession with fire setting)).

I did have the pyromania. Still do to some effect that is one of the more psychological fulfilling things about cooking for me. Video games also provide a nice outlet or writing about fire which can be done in stories. Different strokes for different folks. I don’t remember the bed wetting if I did have it. I was mean to people, but not animals they did not do anything against me.

Sociopaths of course vary in their symptoms and might act differently in different cases. However their main trait is presenting themselves as having the same empathy feelings and emotions as others when in fact they lack this emotional capacity. They are thus cold and manipulative and rarely see any problem with their actions.

Yes, that is true however a thought to question how can anyone truly verify what is and is not emotions like others especially. A lack of emotional capacity is one thing, but that can also mean they are a reserved human being or maybe do not feel comfortable showing emotions to some circles socially. Once again, not a psych major just stating a thought.

Ok, so counting it up minus the one that you guys had to make the call on and one third of a triad means out of this entire list there are six things in my life either past in respect to the triad or currently a total of six signals. Maybe I just have bad social skills? There were 13 signs that I thought did not fit, and one where you had to make the call.

 

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